A Letter To Mama

Mama..
I don't blame you for screaming at me/slapping me for what happened between me&kakak. I hold no grudge to that. I just wished U never said the words that u said to me. I feel like no mother should say such things like that to their children. I wish you could look back&realize what U said was wrong. I know I haven't been a good daughter to u nor Bah. I feel useless. I know I haven't been giving U grades as high as the sky. I know im stubborn. I know adik 'kaki jalan' but I wish U could realize that apart from that, I have been doing my part as ur daughter at certain times. Im no angel&Im certainly imperfect but I wish U could realize that neither have I been doing the things that others my age are doing. If  I was as bad as U said I was, I'd probably not be here right now. Im not here cause I dont have money. Im not here because U took my phone away but because I just dont wanna make things worst between me&you. If I was as bad as U said I was, I'd probably drink/smoke/been to clubs/even just dont come home on time by my curfew without ur knowledge but neither have I done those. U've never failed on being a good mother as I have been proudly telling friends of mine, I've been lucky to have U as my mother but the only thing that I have to say is u failed being fair. U say ur not taking sides, but its too obvious at times that U are. Im not just saying this&Im not the only one who sees this. Even others could see it. I wish U realize all this. I came with a conclusion that U love Umar Harris a lot. U dont wanna lose him so to prevent that, u mole Kak Jihan from leaving. Its clear, she wont as she doesnt have enough money to do so. From what U said last nite to me, might save U from losing Umar Harris but U make us drift apart. Im ur daughter&im badly hurt with ur words. I know I've hurt U in many ways as the years I grew till now,it might have been with words,actions and such&I apologize for that but there are things I must've done that did make u happy. Ur kids are all grown up now but as far I know neither of us will neglect U. U might tell Bah that Ill be the one who will hurt U&Bah the most. I take that now as words that came from anger. Lets just see about that Ma. Lets just see when U&Bah grow old, who'd be there for U when in need of help/companion& I hope by then U'll remember yesterday night&take back all the words U have said to me... But apart from all the pain going through regarding yesterday, I'll still Love u unconditionally forever for U are my Mom.
<3
Adik

*though I know she wont be reading this as she doesn't know how to use the computer but it's just for my own satisfaction. I wish, I wish I could tell her all this&make her understand. . .


X
Farisya