Mama&I are okay now! Everything at home is back to normal but still not in talking terms with Kak Jihan but thats not important, that'll heal in time. The most important thing is me and my Mama are fine now. She sent me to school this morning&it was the 1st after the incident and 1st being alone together after these past few days of not spending even a single minute with each other. As I reached school, i took her hand&salam and burst into tears when I said 'Sorry'. She hugged me and said she was sorry too and told me that she loves me. We ended the conversation as i stepped out from the car and told her I love her and closed the door of the car and walked straight ahead and saw Yaya and I quickly hugged Yaya and told her what happened and as always, though I was very over whelmed by what happened my tears sucked back once I entered the school gate. I was so extremely glad that everything between my Mum was finally over. Big smiles today&Filled with Love!
<3
Monday, November 1, 2010
The 'Heartbreaks&Heartaches'
I was going through a friend of mine's ex's FB Profile. I don't know why she suddenly popped out from my head. Never have I met her before, only heard stories about her through my friend's bestfriend which is my good friend! Anyways, she wasn't even in my friends list so obviously her profile was private. I saw her details on the corner of her profile&found that she had a blog. I opened it&read. She was expressing how she was in pain of not being with him(the ex,my friend) Though I've never known her, I actually felt like crying reading. It was like I could feel her pain. Reading her blog made me feel like going to her&just hug her&tell her that everything was going to be okay as time will heal. I understand the pain as I have felt it before&I guess that's one of the reason why I'm as sensitive as this. Before, I went to her profile&went to her blog.. I was on Facebook and saw my newsfeed flooding with a friend of mine's status'. Her status' were filled with so much sadness. Went to her wall, asked if she was doing alright&found that she just broke up with her boyfriend that she has been with for quite some time. So much pain going on. I know it feels like the world fell on top of you when U get ur heartbroken. I know it feels like something just stabbed u on the heart. Questions like
"WHY DID HE DO THIS TO ME? WHY DID THIS HAPPENED TO ME? WHAT DID I DO WRONG? AFTER ALL THAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH. WHY?"
These questions will fill up ur mind. You'd also think to urself who could ever replace his shoes. Well, in life, we fall in Love, thats normal&we also hurt ourselves over Love. We meet so many people in this world&Love is a gamble too. Sometimes ur lucky&sometimes ur just not. Bagaikan pepatah yang berkata "Yang patah tumbuh. Yang hilang, berganti". Hidup penuh dengan cabaran dan juga dugaan yang melanda kita. Jika kita tidak diuji, maka kita tidak akan belajar tentang erti hidup. Allah S.W.T menguji keimanan dan juga kesabaran kita kerana Dia sayang ke hambanya. Who ever said Life was easy? Who ever did say Love was easy either? Whoever did... ONE WORD
BULLSHIT.
Never have I loved break-ups. Well, the once that were worth it, i dont give a damn but the ones that I cherish, fuck it hurts. Talking about this, reminds me that how much I love this amazing relationship I have now, I'll just never know if I'll lose it one day. Every relationship that U start.. plant in ur mind to prepare with the 'what ifs'. Things just sometimes just dont go how we plan it to be. Sometimes, it ends. Nothing is constant in life. Even the world's going to end one day . When? Only god knows. Kita hanya merancang, Dia yang menentukannya. When I said, plant in ur mind to prepare with the what ifs.. Yes, prepare but still enjoy the relationship. Don't be too paranoid&cautious too. If things did end.. we cry it all out&carry ourselves back up&look straight&keep on walking forward&let time do all the work to heal&U will move on...
For everything that God has tested U, Dia menjanjikan ganjaran. Heartbreaks&Heartaches is just part of life that U'll learn. I do not know much about this thing called Life but I do know a lil' that I've learned&experienced some to share with the rest.
<3
Farisya
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Passion
Writing, Writing..
I enjoy writing...
It takes my mind away from pain
It takes me to another world
It keeps me moving...
I share my stories for others to learn&for me to express
&maybe others could relate my stories to theirs.
I forgot how I enjoyed writing,
I started since when I was small, re-writing stories like 'Jack&The Beanstalk'
Back then, my spellings were a mess. Elizabeth the cow became 'Alizibit'.
Now here I am, writing things that I feel&everything that I guess girls my age goes through at times
&hopefully with my stories shared, people can relate and U& I can learn from the mistakes/foolishness I go through.
As teenagers, we go through drama. I guess that's just how it goes.
As U grow, U look back..
I know we'd be laughing our asses off reminiscing the past of our teenage life.
At this stage, we make hundreds of mistakes&as we pass this stage, we look back&learn from them.
X
Farisya
I enjoy writing...
It takes my mind away from pain
It takes me to another world
It keeps me moving...
I share my stories for others to learn&for me to express
&maybe others could relate my stories to theirs.
I forgot how I enjoyed writing,
I started since when I was small, re-writing stories like 'Jack&The Beanstalk'
Back then, my spellings were a mess. Elizabeth the cow became 'Alizibit'.
Now here I am, writing things that I feel&everything that I guess girls my age goes through at times
&hopefully with my stories shared, people can relate and U& I can learn from the mistakes/foolishness I go through.
As teenagers, we go through drama. I guess that's just how it goes.
As U grow, U look back..
I know we'd be laughing our asses off reminiscing the past of our teenage life.
At this stage, we make hundreds of mistakes&as we pass this stage, we look back&learn from them.
So, 'Live Life To The Fullest'
X
Farisya
Sighh
Haihh, whattadayy..
Faez came down to TTDI to get his hair cut today with me..
I'm so glad I brought him to the salon cause I was satisfied with his hair cause before he's been letting those mamaks cut his hair ikut suka hati mak bapak mamak tuu jeee-___-! Planned to bring him to this salon that I always go to in TTDI but i forgot where it was so I randomly brought him to one of this salon and found a bunch of filipinos running the salon. They were really friendly. This 'she-male' cut Hendra's hair and said 'Im gonna make U look more handsome and look like Jericho Rosales haaa' AHAHAHA he-her's name was 'Kit'. She-him was really cute and friendly. We started talking about the Philippines and etc. I shall come back there for a hair cut one day! They're not bad at all.
&yes, Kit did a great job and Damn, My baby looks charming with his new hair cut now! <3
&No, he doesn't look gay anymore! He looks extremely handsome&charming TO ME.
We went for a walk around my neighborhood. Talked&talked and just enjoyed each others company. We went to this place where there were a lot of green and a polluted 'river' as what Hendra said it was but to me, it looked more like a 'Parit' -___- but it was a nice place. It was really windy and I enjoyed the view somehow.
In front of us was a police quarters&as I analyzed the quarters I saw a mother with her son running around entertaining his son. 1st that came out from my head was.. 'Damn, I miss my mom' and 2nd, when I saw the little boy I pictured Umar Harris. How I miss him so much. Haven't been socializing with my family as I am still hurt with what happened the other day. Talked to my mom earlier today, well not practically talk but at least something. She did ask a few questions though it dint sound friendly but I know she wanted to check whether I was doing ok... I know she still cared. Well, I am still my mother's daughter. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I told Hendra I missed my mom. Hendra wiped my tears away and hugged me and consoled me. I felt better. Walked home&stopped at 7E as Hendra asked if I wanted anything to bring back home&so he bought me my favorite 'Lipton, Ice Lemon Tea'. As we were in 7E.. I asked him what does he have in school tomorrow&he said "Oh, Im not going to school. The form 5s tak digalakkan datang since we've graduated",I stopped and looked at him&suddenly the next thing I knew my tears were falling. Yes,Yes.. I'm pretty sensitive these past few days. I thought to myself, Dammnn, next year he's not gonna be there anymore. Gosh, even writing this makes me tear up! There wont be anybody from the top floor looking down on me making sure I dont wonder around the school. There wont be anybody bebel-ing to me and telling me that U should stay in class. Nothing to look forward to by 105pm cause usually that's what I look forward to everytime cause I get to see him. Haih, Im gonna miss having him around.
He walked me back home and hugged me goodbye. I left with a heavy heart. When I entered my gate, I looked back and saw him walk across to get a cab. Went inside my room straight and broke into tears. I wasn't just crying just cause he's not gonna be around in school anymore, I was also crying coz I dont like the feeling of being home anymore&the fact that my source of joy wasn't around me. I'm left alone now that I'm back home...
What's pulling me together now is that, Kak Farah brought Umar Harris in my room and I got to spend time with him for a lil' while&that made my day until my parents came back from kampung and my dad came by my room to see Harris and brought Harris down to see his Grandma. Though a lil' while, but I absolutely was satisfied coz I really did miss him.
Baby, Im extremely gonna miss having U around school. Thanks for the lovely day. I Love You <3
AND
Though Kak Jihan can be such a pain in the ass&I often feel like killing her most of the time&though my mom said things that I can't let go.. BUT they're still my family&I miss them so much.
<3
Till Then,
x
Farisya
Faez came down to TTDI to get his hair cut today with me..
I'm so glad I brought him to the salon cause I was satisfied with his hair cause before he's been letting those mamaks cut his hair ikut suka hati mak bapak mamak tuu jeee-___-! Planned to bring him to this salon that I always go to in TTDI but i forgot where it was so I randomly brought him to one of this salon and found a bunch of filipinos running the salon. They were really friendly. This 'she-male' cut Hendra's hair and said 'Im gonna make U look more handsome and look like Jericho Rosales haaa' AHAHAHA he-her's name was 'Kit'. She-him was really cute and friendly. We started talking about the Philippines and etc. I shall come back there for a hair cut one day! They're not bad at all.
&yes, Kit did a great job and Damn, My baby looks charming with his new hair cut now! <3
&No, he doesn't look gay anymore! He looks extremely handsome&charming TO ME.
We went for a walk around my neighborhood. Talked&talked and just enjoyed each others company. We went to this place where there were a lot of green and a polluted 'river' as what Hendra said it was but to me, it looked more like a 'Parit' -___- but it was a nice place. It was really windy and I enjoyed the view somehow.
In front of us was a police quarters&as I analyzed the quarters I saw a mother with her son running around entertaining his son. 1st that came out from my head was.. 'Damn, I miss my mom' and 2nd, when I saw the little boy I pictured Umar Harris. How I miss him so much. Haven't been socializing with my family as I am still hurt with what happened the other day. Talked to my mom earlier today, well not practically talk but at least something. She did ask a few questions though it dint sound friendly but I know she wanted to check whether I was doing ok... I know she still cared. Well, I am still my mother's daughter. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I told Hendra I missed my mom. Hendra wiped my tears away and hugged me and consoled me. I felt better. Walked home&stopped at 7E as Hendra asked if I wanted anything to bring back home&so he bought me my favorite 'Lipton, Ice Lemon Tea'. As we were in 7E.. I asked him what does he have in school tomorrow&he said "Oh, Im not going to school. The form 5s tak digalakkan datang since we've graduated",I stopped and looked at him&suddenly the next thing I knew my tears were falling. Yes,Yes.. I'm pretty sensitive these past few days. I thought to myself, Dammnn, next year he's not gonna be there anymore. Gosh, even writing this makes me tear up! There wont be anybody from the top floor looking down on me making sure I dont wonder around the school. There wont be anybody bebel-ing to me and telling me that U should stay in class. Nothing to look forward to by 105pm cause usually that's what I look forward to everytime cause I get to see him. Haih, Im gonna miss having him around.
He walked me back home and hugged me goodbye. I left with a heavy heart. When I entered my gate, I looked back and saw him walk across to get a cab. Went inside my room straight and broke into tears. I wasn't just crying just cause he's not gonna be around in school anymore, I was also crying coz I dont like the feeling of being home anymore&the fact that my source of joy wasn't around me. I'm left alone now that I'm back home...
What's pulling me together now is that, Kak Farah brought Umar Harris in my room and I got to spend time with him for a lil' while&that made my day until my parents came back from kampung and my dad came by my room to see Harris and brought Harris down to see his Grandma. Though a lil' while, but I absolutely was satisfied coz I really did miss him.
Baby, Im extremely gonna miss having U around school. Thanks for the lovely day. I Love You <3
AND
<3
Till Then,
x
Farisya
A Woman's Worth
I've seen so many girls around me that are in relationships that's obviously hurting them but still they wanna hang on to it. I've asked them Why? Why do U still wanna be with the person that hurts U over&over again and usually I'll just get the same reply-"Because I Love Him". No matter how painful it is, they'd still prefer to go on. Most girls now days are dependent towards guys. Some may answer 'Im staying cause I love him' or some may say 'I just don't wanna be alone'.
Here's a tip that I have always planted in myself. Once hurt, give it a chance, twice hurt,last chance&forgive,THIRD hurt, 'Go die&Goodbye.' Taking the 1st step is never easy. Saying goodbye is never always easy at least for me. Im d gal who DESPISE goodbyes. Moving on would be the hardest too. Personally, I've gone through the 'walking off' stage a lot of times&yes, it was never easy. Not long before, I've been with a guy whom I loved so much. It only lasted for about 6months and I ended it cause I wasn't happy&so was he&he wasn't treating me well too. Though I was still madly in love with him. I took the 1st step that felt like something was stabbing me on the chest. I walked off. It took months to recover cause in my head, i'd rather hurt myself for a few months of moving on rather than hurt a lot more with a longer duration cause I know I'll reach the stage of me moving on&I know I'll meet someone better&HEY! I got lucky,very lucky! A few months after, i met an amazing guy who swept me off my feet. Who cares a lot more better, who loves me a lot more, who takes care of me a lot more&also who respects me a lot more better than my pasts did.
Why be with a guy who hurts u constantly? Why be with a guy who doesn't respect U? Why be with a guy who asks U to change who U are? Isn't it supposed to be, 'Love me for ME?' Know ur limits in a relationship. Honestly, I know at times I think with my heart and not my head but when times like these try to zip ur heart up and follow ur head. Think whats right for U. Every shitty experience that U go through, there's always a rainbow waiting at the end. God is fair...
That's another thing, U need to believe, U need to love urself more than U love others. Put urself FIRST above others. God is great, He made a lot of man in this world with so many different characters&U can just choose the best. The jerks that Ur with, seriously.. they're not the only ones left in this world. Go search, Go explore... U deserve better!
I've seen with my own eyes, one of my loved ones in my famiy, got pushed from her chair, got yelled at, treated badly&she's still with him now and for the reason that I stated out up there. Cause of 'love'&the fact that they shared so many memories together. Well, U stay for the memories, U stay for the years spent with misery with him, why should U when U know it urself that ur not happy though U love him. 'U can lie to people but U cant lie to urself' I pray one day either he changes or either she leaves him.
Girls, what Im pointing out now is that.. Know ur limits in a relationship. Know when's its just supposed to end. Love urself.
Know that Ur worth it and U SHOULD BE RESPECTED. If one's a pain in the ass, there's more out there who could do u well. Believe&Have Faith.
Farisya
Here's a tip that I have always planted in myself. Once hurt, give it a chance, twice hurt,last chance&forgive,THIRD hurt, 'Go die&Goodbye.' Taking the 1st step is never easy. Saying goodbye is never always easy at least for me. Im d gal who DESPISE goodbyes. Moving on would be the hardest too. Personally, I've gone through the 'walking off' stage a lot of times&yes, it was never easy. Not long before, I've been with a guy whom I loved so much. It only lasted for about 6months and I ended it cause I wasn't happy&so was he&he wasn't treating me well too. Though I was still madly in love with him. I took the 1st step that felt like something was stabbing me on the chest. I walked off. It took months to recover cause in my head, i'd rather hurt myself for a few months of moving on rather than hurt a lot more with a longer duration cause I know I'll reach the stage of me moving on&I know I'll meet someone better&HEY! I got lucky,very lucky! A few months after, i met an amazing guy who swept me off my feet. Who cares a lot more better, who loves me a lot more, who takes care of me a lot more&also who respects me a lot more better than my pasts did.
Why be with a guy who hurts u constantly? Why be with a guy who doesn't respect U? Why be with a guy who asks U to change who U are? Isn't it supposed to be, 'Love me for ME?' Know ur limits in a relationship. Honestly, I know at times I think with my heart and not my head but when times like these try to zip ur heart up and follow ur head. Think whats right for U. Every shitty experience that U go through, there's always a rainbow waiting at the end. God is fair...
That's another thing, U need to believe, U need to love urself more than U love others. Put urself FIRST above others. God is great, He made a lot of man in this world with so many different characters&U can just choose the best. The jerks that Ur with, seriously.. they're not the only ones left in this world. Go search, Go explore... U deserve better!
I've seen with my own eyes, one of my loved ones in my famiy, got pushed from her chair, got yelled at, treated badly&she's still with him now and for the reason that I stated out up there. Cause of 'love'&the fact that they shared so many memories together. Well, U stay for the memories, U stay for the years spent with misery with him, why should U when U know it urself that ur not happy though U love him. 'U can lie to people but U cant lie to urself' I pray one day either he changes or either she leaves him.
Girls, what Im pointing out now is that.. Know ur limits in a relationship. Know when's its just supposed to end. Love urself.
Know that Ur worth it and U SHOULD BE RESPECTED. If one's a pain in the ass, there's more out there who could do u well. Believe&Have Faith.
All My Love Goes Out To The Girls Who Are Reading This <3
xFarisya
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