Indera Kayangan

     As I was doing my homework and doing a lil reading I turned back and saw my bed looking so comfy so I finished everything so fast and straight away jumped on my bed and curled in my sheets. Hmmmm it felt so good!*it is true what Pn. Shaja says, I gotta admit that I get distracted easily but oh well, at least I finished what I needed to!* As I was laying down, Mr. Indera Kayangan popped in my mind. I suddenly started missing him. I started thinking so much about this and that basically about me and him. The thought of the relationship linked to my astronomy book that I caught my eye on my shelf across my bed. I suddenly remembered that once before, I read a section in the book that was 'Love Chart'. Basically,its a chart of zodiacs each man and woman stating their compatibilities through their zodiac signs. I'm a Pisces and Mr. Indera Kayangan there is an Aries, so i remembered it stated down as 'Difficult'. I read that when we started to get to know each other and I dint wanna believe it as all this was all bulshit to me but well, after months and months of seeing each other i gotta say,

                      IT IS DIFFICULT! 

  

     So damn difficult! So many complications! I know both of us, our ways are different. there's so many differences in us. I guess opposite attracts as they say? Hmmm.. I dont know for sure.This is so not me to actually go through all this without a status. I tried letting go and that only lasted a few weeks but I couldn't. For some reason that I don't even understand,I love him. If U actually ask why? It beats the shit out of me to find a reason why but I do, I really do love him. Maybe its his ways? His touch? His love? I dont know.. With him, I'm filled with the 'I don't knows'. This relationship is so different to me. I guess it's true, as U grow, U go through this things that leads U to do things that U've never done or do things that's even not U but well, the outcome of it is that U learn and U experience all this feelings and situations. It matures U I suppose. If U keep on staying on the safe side and making ur life plain, U wont learn anything. As Liz Phair's lyrics said 'Average Everyday is Psycho'. I dont know for sure how long I'll stay but I'll wait till I still can but knowing me, I'll grow out of my patience. If one day, (only god knows when -___-) I can't stand this I'll surely let go though letting go is never my forte.
     
     There was once that he dint call for 3days cause according to him, he said he was busy at home spending time and doing things with his family. Since he dint call, I dint even initiate to call either. Yes, I'm finally turning into Syaza. I've got a big Ego now but I gotta say, I'm happy that I grew an Ego in me! A slight of Ego is not a bad thing ;) during those 3days, yes I missed him but I dint want to call. I dint even initiated to. Again, that's just not me. I just wanted to see where this was heading to. I thougt to myself maybe this is gonna end just like this by not contacting each other but well it dint. he finnally called. U couldn't imagine how happy I was to see his name apearing on my phone at 2am in the morning but well, I acted cool and like 'oh its U that's calling,nothing amazing puuun' but well I felt the other way around actually! 
     
     I'm going through all this changes in me that I myself is shocked to see but for a certain reason I guess I'm happy with these changes. Well girls, no matter how in love U are, lets be realistic and be prepared and brace urself shall we? Nobody likes massive heartbreaks. Yes, If this thing ends between me and him, yes i'd be devastated and upset and heartbroken but I know there will always be an urge in me to move on and not soak around the house and to my friends and not getting on my feat and walking forward. Logically this happens due to U being realistic and prepared for the worst outcomes. Like I said before, nothing lasts forever. 

 Bear that in mind,Girls!

     As for me and my Mr. Indera Kayangan here... I still have faith in this. I understand his reasons to not want to not label this relationship 'for now' and I accept the reasons. I'm never a patient person but I guess, somethings are worth the wait. I hope he is worth the wait but well, I'm human, I have limits esp to waiting so Imma give this time and see how it goes cause if I leave now, I dont wanna be wondering in the future. Wondering of "what if I waited? what would happen?" If it's meant to be between me and him then it will happen and I hope my friends are clear with all this as I DON'T want to be answering questions like "Why aren't U in a relationship with him yet" or "Kenapa si Indera Kayangan ni lambat sgt Myn?" anymore. I know some of them might doubt his love towards me but I know when to trust. I trust my feelings and instinct that he does love me(how much tu I myself dont know, Only he knows) and I do believe when he tells me that he does. Other people don't have to be convinced that he loves me, only I should.... 

<3