Going Healthy

     This past week has been rather difficult. Been holding myself from eating nasi lemak in school! It's crazyy cause the every time I enter the canteen all I can smell is the chicken that's extremely tempting! Been avoiding rice too nowdays. Haih, its a sacrifice but its all worth it for its for my own self. I need to be healthy,keep fit,tone my body and lose all my extra baggage! The best part is, Kak Fa made me join Celebrity Fitness since she just joined in and she's been going there alone so she dragged me along. So since then, I've been heading to the gym with Kakak. I'm not active in sports at school, I  hardly exercise and I want to prevent myself from being malas because due to not exercising, my body feels heavy&due to my body feeling heavy, it makes me not want to study as I am too lazy to even study (IT ACTUALLY RHYMES! :P). All I want to do is lay in bed and sleep. For that, I need to detox myself! I've been pushing myself to work out now and I actually feel really good after working out. My body actually feels positive. I hope in a few weeks time or at least after a month, I hope my tummy dissapears! woooohooooo~!

http://youtu.be/p6fwA37LEqA

"I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.

I'll make the most of all the sadness,
You'll be a bitch because you can. 

You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can't understand."

Indera Kayangan

     As I was doing my homework and doing a lil reading I turned back and saw my bed looking so comfy so I finished everything so fast and straight away jumped on my bed and curled in my sheets. Hmmmm it felt so good!*it is true what Pn. Shaja says, I gotta admit that I get distracted easily but oh well, at least I finished what I needed to!* As I was laying down, Mr. Indera Kayangan popped in my mind. I suddenly started missing him. I started thinking so much about this and that basically about me and him. The thought of the relationship linked to my astronomy book that I caught my eye on my shelf across my bed. I suddenly remembered that once before, I read a section in the book that was 'Love Chart'. Basically,its a chart of zodiacs each man and woman stating their compatibilities through their zodiac signs. I'm a Pisces and Mr. Indera Kayangan there is an Aries, so i remembered it stated down as 'Difficult'. I read that when we started to get to know each other and I dint wanna believe it as all this was all bulshit to me but well, after months and months of seeing each other i gotta say,

                      IT IS DIFFICULT! 

  

     So damn difficult! So many complications! I know both of us, our ways are different. there's so many differences in us. I guess opposite attracts as they say? Hmmm.. I dont know for sure.This is so not me to actually go through all this without a status. I tried letting go and that only lasted a few weeks but I couldn't. For some reason that I don't even understand,I love him. If U actually ask why? It beats the shit out of me to find a reason why but I do, I really do love him. Maybe its his ways? His touch? His love? I dont know.. With him, I'm filled with the 'I don't knows'. This relationship is so different to me. I guess it's true, as U grow, U go through this things that leads U to do things that U've never done or do things that's even not U but well, the outcome of it is that U learn and U experience all this feelings and situations. It matures U I suppose. If U keep on staying on the safe side and making ur life plain, U wont learn anything. As Liz Phair's lyrics said 'Average Everyday is Psycho'. I dont know for sure how long I'll stay but I'll wait till I still can but knowing me, I'll grow out of my patience. If one day, (only god knows when -___-) I can't stand this I'll surely let go though letting go is never my forte.
     
     There was once that he dint call for 3days cause according to him, he said he was busy at home spending time and doing things with his family. Since he dint call, I dint even initiate to call either. Yes, I'm finally turning into Syaza. I've got a big Ego now but I gotta say, I'm happy that I grew an Ego in me! A slight of Ego is not a bad thing ;) during those 3days, yes I missed him but I dint want to call. I dint even initiated to. Again, that's just not me. I just wanted to see where this was heading to. I thougt to myself maybe this is gonna end just like this by not contacting each other but well it dint. he finnally called. U couldn't imagine how happy I was to see his name apearing on my phone at 2am in the morning but well, I acted cool and like 'oh its U that's calling,nothing amazing puuun' but well I felt the other way around actually! 
     
     I'm going through all this changes in me that I myself is shocked to see but for a certain reason I guess I'm happy with these changes. Well girls, no matter how in love U are, lets be realistic and be prepared and brace urself shall we? Nobody likes massive heartbreaks. Yes, If this thing ends between me and him, yes i'd be devastated and upset and heartbroken but I know there will always be an urge in me to move on and not soak around the house and to my friends and not getting on my feat and walking forward. Logically this happens due to U being realistic and prepared for the worst outcomes. Like I said before, nothing lasts forever. 

 Bear that in mind,Girls!

     As for me and my Mr. Indera Kayangan here... I still have faith in this. I understand his reasons to not want to not label this relationship 'for now' and I accept the reasons. I'm never a patient person but I guess, somethings are worth the wait. I hope he is worth the wait but well, I'm human, I have limits esp to waiting so Imma give this time and see how it goes cause if I leave now, I dont wanna be wondering in the future. Wondering of "what if I waited? what would happen?" If it's meant to be between me and him then it will happen and I hope my friends are clear with all this as I DON'T want to be answering questions like "Why aren't U in a relationship with him yet" or "Kenapa si Indera Kayangan ni lambat sgt Myn?" anymore. I know some of them might doubt his love towards me but I know when to trust. I trust my feelings and instinct that he does love me(how much tu I myself dont know, Only he knows) and I do believe when he tells me that he does. Other people don't have to be convinced that he loves me, only I should.... 

<3

Wedding Speech

The clock just strucked 1O pm and here I am laying down on my bed with so much emotions in me. Did some studying and got to my wedding speech for kak jihan's wedding. Went to Rasta with Kak Liana yesterday to do the rangka of the speech. At first, I dint know how to even begin my speech. I tried so hard to reminisce the good times but I couldn't get myself to remember. It was totally different from Kak Fa's wedding that happened 4years back which I also had to do a speech. It went incredibly well. I did my speech all by myself and it even finished within minutes as I had so much to say and share. Anyways, while I was in Rasta I got the idea of what to say FINALLY! Then, today I took my laptop and started to write and form a perfect speech from the rangka I made and got everything together and suddenly my eyes started to get teary as I was all into the speech. It was like a memory flash back of when me and kak jihan back when I was small when we were pretty tight. When I was so attached to kak jihan once before and I actually started thinking to myself of all the fights and arguments that I had with my sister over small lil' things that made our relationship distant. Though we faught A LOT but no matter what she's still my sister whom I'll always love unconditionally. No words could describe. I'm so happy for she has found the man of her dreams that knows how to appreciate her, who knows how to treat her right so the opposite from her 'past'. I'm so happy that God temukan both of them and made a path for them both to go through together. I wanna be as lucky as Kak Jihan to be married to a loving husband like Abang Munir. As for the speech, it's finally finished! I hope it turns out good.  I can't wait for the wedding!
<3

Being Independant

Got a job at XIXILI, I only lasted there about 3 hours. When it was time for my break, I left and never came back! They were all pretty racist as they were all chinese. They looked at me like I was trash though they were the ones who hired me. They weren't that helpful either. I QUIT and went to Padini and got myself a job with Nadiah&Syaza. It's been 5days there&I'm certainly enjoying every moment of it. Everybody's friendly and as crazy as I am. We all fit in well and Yes, I am happy working there though the 8hours stand is killing my body esp my feet&back! Now I know how hard it is to earn money. I actually realized how hard my dad works to earn a living for his family. Daaammmmnnn... It's certainly an experience that U just cant buy.  There's so many different people working there with me&the best part is I learn the differences between my life&theirs as most of them aren't living easily. We share experiences&stories untuk diiktibarkan. I've learned so much and appreciate more of what I have&how I am actually lucky to be in this family. <3 <3 <3 

  So I aint RTM-ing! ;P

I LOVE MY JOB !

X

farisya  

 

FUCK MYSELF.

"I'm Outta Love&I'm sure it'd never Last"

 

HAPPY NOVEMBER LOVES!

 

cant believe how time flows so fast&now its November.

Can't wait to end tomorrow for it will be the last day of exams&last day of school.

 

Since all of my friends will be working this holidays, I'll be working Full-Time in a department of RTM

 

RTM=Rehat,Tidur&Makan

 

&wait till November to end and December 8th to be over & be a Full-time Girlfriend to my baby 

Faez Hendra <3 <3 

 

pffttt -____- 

 

how interesting it will be waiting in the mist of lonliness till December 8th

 

Sighhhh....